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Mother Ramblings

BoysHere I am writing my first post in a long time. I finally feel like I am starting to get back in to ‘normal’ life since having my baby…14 months ago, almost. As we struggle through molars and separation anxiety with the toddler, we are struggling with independence and boundaries with the 12-year-old. Life is interesting when you have children 11 years apart. (They have both changed so much since this picture was taken a year ago.)

First off WAY different pregnancies, with the eldest I vomited everyday of my pregnancy and had pre-eclampsia, labored 17 hours then had an emergency c-section. Wow what a shock that was, the doctor just came in and said, we’re going now, with no warning. The second I only dealt with heartburn and constipation and gestational hypertension the last few weeks. I also scheduled my c-section the last go around because I didn’t want to risk emergency c-section again. I¬†was 22 years old when I had my first baby 33 with the second. It is a world of difference that decade makes.

So not only were my pregnancies different, my circumstances were different. Baby a)had a job where I only worked 8 hours a day and it was sedentary. I was poor, I thought I was living big, but my job also didn’t offer insurance so I was on pregnancy Medicaid. I hated being on Medicaid. I was treated poorly by some because of preconceived notions of people seeking assistance. My husband had the same office job I did, we did not meet there, plus another job, and we were still looked down on because of Medicaid. Looking back I am grateful that we had that assistance, because babies are expensive. Baby b) I work a job where I am there 3 to 4 days a week, usually 16 hour shifts 2 days and 10 to 12 on the other days. I worked until the day before we had the baby, he was moved up 2 weeks due to my hypertension. I work on my feet, I am a nurse around sick and injured patients. I have alright insurance, those hospital bills after the fact are shocking, even when you think you’ve planned it out financially you get a bill from someone who might have glanced your babies direction in the hospital.

I was also unable to breastfeed with baby a. I tried and tried and the doctor gave me medication to help, it just didn’t happen. I also had severe post-partum anxiety that started in the hospital. Baby b I was blessed with being able to breastfeed and help other babies, I was able to donate 4, 816 ounces of breast milk to a milk bank that sent the milk to NICUs. I have been able to talk to other mothers about their struggles and how I overcame my struggles. I also want you to know that it is ok if you are unable to breastfeed, it is hard. It is so much harder and more work than you would think it is. It doesn’t come naturally for everyone and a lot of people do struggle to pump enough, feed enough, or to simply have the confidence that they are a good mother just the way they are. Baby b still nurses, more lately with the teething crankiness.

Working full-time, mothering full-time, being a full-time wife and deciding to go get that BSN it is a lot of work. I am tired and squishy and I want to do more, write more, be less squishy, but it is a day at a time. I am finally back to reading, I want to finish my crafting. It is hard just to find time to sit and breathe. So basically I’m writing to say that hopefully you’ll see more of me in the near future. More of the books, more of the mom stuff because sitting here typing all the babbles is a little relaxing, but it is after midnight, I’ve been home from work for an hour, I have wound down and I am ready to sleep. Tomorrow we start bright and early with the toddler, hopefully better tomorrow than today.

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